-A collection of short blurbs about my traumatic childhood-
I could not tell a lie when I was little- Thanks mom and dad...
There are certain things that stick in our minds, that we remember forever. My earliest memory of being honest was when I was in Kindergarden. See, my parents never let us have gum when we were young and I am thankful for that now as I don't have any fillings. You always want what you can't have. My dear, worldly Kindergarden teacher would tape a stick of sugar-free Extra bubble gum to our papers occasionally- but this wasn't even the worst of it. The one instance that will forever be stuck in my memory happened on the bus. Remember Tear Jerker gum balls in the individual wrappers? That really sour stuff that came before WarHeads... As I got off the bus one day, the bus driver was giving a piece to each kid. Now I didn't want to say "no thank you", because of course I wanted it and didn't want to be rude. So I took it, walked down the street to my house and burst into tears. My poor mother, as I sobbed, breathlessly about this silly little gum ball and how I wanted it so bad but knew I wasn't allowed... After this I don't quite remember the outcome, but I am sure my sweet Mommy said I could have it. However, being in Kindergarden, I'm sure the right answer wasn't enough. So I probably just cried (lol). Or perhaps I even cried while eating the gum, guilty conscience in full force, with colored drool mixed in with the snot and tears running down my face. Either way I wanted it, but wasn't going to lie about it or try to hide it, taking no satisfaction in being allowed to have it.
I'm writing this and realizing it is amazing how I can recall the little details but not the outcome- it wasn't important at the time apparently. My parents also used to tell us things to scare us into not doing things they didn't want us to do. Sometimes it was for our safety, other times I think I was just because they either needed a laugh or they just plain didn't want us to do it. There was actually something that I genuinely believed until I was at least 20 years old- but I can't remember what it was (darn it)***. One thing I do remember, was what to do if we hit a deer... and it wasn't just if we "hit" it. In the words of my Father (or something like it), "If we hit a deer and it rolls up onto the windshield and breaks through and kicks your mother and I and kills us, get out of the car and move away from the road". Are you kidding me?!?!?! Who tells this to their children? Needless to say, I fear deer and was always alert at dusk when riding in the car as a kid. Not only was I honest, I was gullible.
*** Oh hey, I remembered it. My dad remodeled the kitchen when we were little. We were getting a new stove/oven and it had a gas hook-up. Before the stove was in place, the valve for the gas line was coming out of the floor, we were warned to never go near it or the entire house would blow up (things were always taken to the extreme). Fearful of blowing up, we kept a 5ft+ radius from the little lever. Come to find out, 10 years later- there wasn't even gas flowing to the pipe! I found this out after warning my dad about blowing up from the lever- he laughed at me.
As I grew older I started to try things, but could never keep the cat in the bag and would make a HUGE deal about it. I knew I had to tell my mom or I wouldn't be able to live with myself. It was always about silly stuff too. Like the first time I plucked my eyebrows, guided by Cosmo Girl and Seventeen magazine I did it. Nice and natural, it looked good. But I had to tell her. She had never told me I couldn't do it, but she didn't tell me I could. Knowing it was silly, I built it up and made it into a huge ordeal. Finally, I told her that if I was going to tell her what I did that I would have to close my eyes and not look at her. By this time I'm sure she was thinking the worst, the way I went on about it. So I told her I did it, I plucked my eyebrows. And you know what? She probably laughed, inspected and walked away.
Same thing goes for the first time I shaved my legs. Instead of laughing, I bet she asked if I cut myself (which I didn't- I was a careful kid, never got hurt), inspected, then walked away.
I panicked once in CVS (ooh, it might have even been a Perry Drug- remember those?). I was sick and my mother had taken us to get medicine. I think it was a bottle of Vitamin C or something like that; regardless, I freaked myself out when I mindlessly slipped it up my sleeve to carry it around. I shot my arm out of my sleeve so fast after realizing what it looked like I was trying to do. I didn't want to go to jail (who does?).
Remember Kiddos- Honesty is the BEST policy!
All this remembering has made me laugh- Hope you do too!
**Credit where credit is due- Dad, thanks for the idea for this post**
