The power of the mind is an incredible thing. Have you ever made a decision or wanted something and become so fixated on it that it's all you think about? Good decisions can become so destructive! I have over-researched in order to be "well informed", I see it in other people ALL THE TIME now, and I've gotten to the point where I think I can control it- aka: force it to happen/become.
But I can't. (and I know this is a bit vague- but hear me out. It applies to anything in life)
This "thing" I have decided on is so out of my control it's not even funny. And the logical side of me knows that! But I have gotten myself into such a destructive thought pattern, that I am ruining myself over searching for a way to force it to happen. And by doing so, I know it will never be.
But it's so hard to let go, when it's something I've decided I want so badly.
I probably can't even answer why I want it. It's just become an obsession...
As I worry about this thing I can't control, I'm missing out on my life. I'm rushing so fast to get to this next thing by trying to control it, that I am truly missing out on what is so good right in front of me.
Every moment is precious. It's hard to see it that way sometimes, but I'm certain that there is always something good that can come from any moment- even if we realize it later.
I posted this quote on Instagram this morning from the Shine Project and it resonated hard.
" I know the beginning of anything feels so overwhelming. But don't skip it. Don't rush through it waiting to get to the next phase of your life. The beginning is where magic lives"
And then I saw this one....
"No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should" - Max Ehrmann
All of these little nuggets of hope, presented to me because I have decided I need to manifest change within my head/thoughts. I am definitely someone that needs these reminders, words of wisdom. I cling to them in times when I feel lost/defeated/hopeless.
When I was young I had a lot of stomach issues. But my pediatrician didn't think it was due to allergies or physical illness. She realized I was a worrier. She was also Jamaican. Have you figured out where this is going yet?
"Don't worry about a thing. 'Cause every little thing is gonna be alright" (-Bob)
This became our mantra. A constant reminder from my parents and the people around me that it was (and still is) all going to be ok! Once I was aware that I was a worrier, I could better manage those feelings.
I know I need to change my thoughts. I know that this destructive, obsessive thought pattern I have gotten myself into is not good. I know I need to relinquish the power I have given to my thoughts and the amount of control I have allowed them to have over me. But I'm not sure I know how to do that. I am hung up on that I won't be able to let go completely, which I so badly want to do. That it will always be in the back of my mind, nagging me to try to maintain some "control". I fear that I am in so deep, that I can't go back.
Well, I know I can't go back. I just need to move through it and on to a better place. A fun, carefree place. Without worry, or stress, or anxiety over achieving this "thing".
I release myself from these obsessive thoughts
I am peaceful and free
I am ready to enjoy life
❤️
Thursday, June 28, 2018
Tuesday, January 9, 2018
Previously Recorded: Holiday Chaos of 2017
So I wasn't going to post this... but I want to remember it. And I haven't posted anything since we got married, so....
The holidays are a flop, bust, epic failure around our house. Zero holiday spirit. Except for my shopping is almost done!
Last year we did it all. Tasteful outdoor lights, real garland around the windows and openings inside the house. Our beautiful tree, carefully decorated in our front window. Picture perfect, fresh and excited homeowners.
But this year....
If you follow me on Instagram, you know we have been renovating our kitchen. Since October...
The refrigerator is still in my living room, and pieces of furniture have been displaced all over the house. There is a huge box containing the range hood hanging out in the middle of the floor, and the dining room is a chaotic mess of tools, materials, and all the things that belong IN the kitchen. We make coffee every morning in the living room, on the coffee table (fitting), because it's the closest available outlet. I've been doing dishes in the bathroom for the last two months, and I already have a new rug in waiting because the one we have now is completely destroyed, despite every effort to keep up on the cleaning.
We have tried to keep the dust to a minimum- but now, we will use it as a guide to know what hasn't been cleaned yet when this whole process is over.
We've gone back and forth about shoving more furniture to the side to fit a Christmas tree in the corner of the living room. Do we decorate the whole thing, or just the front half? Is it even worth it? Should we just put the top half of the tree up and have a mini tree? Yes, do it, we need a place to put presents. No, it's not worth it. It always comes down to whether we want more clutter in an already cramped space at this point. And I don't- I desperately want it all to just go away. I've thought about buying a small (like really small), real tree just for ambiance- but then remember that that would be bringing more stuff IN... and I'd have to water it.
We went for a walk in the blizzard the other night. Admiring our neighbors decorations. And then there was our house... so dark and spiritless. Maybe I'll get a wreath for the front door and call it good...
I know, I know- whine whine whine (I'd really like wine, wine, wine)
I was driving to work today, thinking about putting any holiday decor out at all... Thinking how someday this could be a good teaching moment for our nonexistent children. A tree is a luxury. If we don't have a tree this year, I can really say to them- "You know kids, one year your dad and I didn't even have a Christmas tree up" (I sort of chuckle at this because for us, it's a choice to put up a tree or not- but also totally something my parents would have said to us to scare us into being good, or make us feel bad for them)- and then I can whip out the book I am going to make of all the photos from start to finish and show them how lucky we were- tree or not- to be renovating our kitchen. And how lucky they are to still have married parents after the whole ordeal. The End.
What's the point? I don't know. Maybe it's all once step further to skipping the stuff and spending holidays with family, without all the hoopla. Being together is what matters most. Although, I wouldn't want ANYONE to enter my chaotic home at this point to spend time with me. There's no place for you to sit anyway. So decorate your tree's folks- We're coming over!
Cabinets go in Monday, and we probably won't have a tree up this year. Bah Humbug
Update: We did not put up a tree and THE REFRIGERATOR IS OUT OF THE LIVING ROOM. Woo hoo!
So it really wasn't as bad as I made it seem in the 'post' above. We had a great holiday season with family and friends.
We are so close to finishing this epic renovation, and I think I'll do a post once we are all done showing the whole process.
I hope your 2018 is off to an amazing start. Our motto this year: Anytime something goes our way- no matter how big or small- "2018 is going (or "still going") to be a great year"! 😂 So original...
Anyway, hope you got a chuckle out of that nonsense up there.
The holidays are a flop, bust, epic failure around our house. Zero holiday spirit. Except for my shopping is almost done!
Last year we did it all. Tasteful outdoor lights, real garland around the windows and openings inside the house. Our beautiful tree, carefully decorated in our front window. Picture perfect, fresh and excited homeowners.
But this year....
If you follow me on Instagram, you know we have been renovating our kitchen. Since October...
The refrigerator is still in my living room, and pieces of furniture have been displaced all over the house. There is a huge box containing the range hood hanging out in the middle of the floor, and the dining room is a chaotic mess of tools, materials, and all the things that belong IN the kitchen. We make coffee every morning in the living room, on the coffee table (fitting), because it's the closest available outlet. I've been doing dishes in the bathroom for the last two months, and I already have a new rug in waiting because the one we have now is completely destroyed, despite every effort to keep up on the cleaning.
We have tried to keep the dust to a minimum- but now, we will use it as a guide to know what hasn't been cleaned yet when this whole process is over.
We've gone back and forth about shoving more furniture to the side to fit a Christmas tree in the corner of the living room. Do we decorate the whole thing, or just the front half? Is it even worth it? Should we just put the top half of the tree up and have a mini tree? Yes, do it, we need a place to put presents. No, it's not worth it. It always comes down to whether we want more clutter in an already cramped space at this point. And I don't- I desperately want it all to just go away. I've thought about buying a small (like really small), real tree just for ambiance- but then remember that that would be bringing more stuff IN... and I'd have to water it.
We went for a walk in the blizzard the other night. Admiring our neighbors decorations. And then there was our house... so dark and spiritless. Maybe I'll get a wreath for the front door and call it good...
I know, I know- whine whine whine (I'd really like wine, wine, wine)
I was driving to work today, thinking about putting any holiday decor out at all... Thinking how someday this could be a good teaching moment for our nonexistent children. A tree is a luxury. If we don't have a tree this year, I can really say to them- "You know kids, one year your dad and I didn't even have a Christmas tree up" (I sort of chuckle at this because for us, it's a choice to put up a tree or not- but also totally something my parents would have said to us to scare us into being good, or make us feel bad for them)- and then I can whip out the book I am going to make of all the photos from start to finish and show them how lucky we were- tree or not- to be renovating our kitchen. And how lucky they are to still have married parents after the whole ordeal. The End.
What's the point? I don't know. Maybe it's all once step further to skipping the stuff and spending holidays with family, without all the hoopla. Being together is what matters most. Although, I wouldn't want ANYONE to enter my chaotic home at this point to spend time with me. There's no place for you to sit anyway. So decorate your tree's folks- We're coming over!
Cabinets go in Monday, and we probably won't have a tree up this year. Bah Humbug
Update: We did not put up a tree and THE REFRIGERATOR IS OUT OF THE LIVING ROOM. Woo hoo!
So it really wasn't as bad as I made it seem in the 'post' above. We had a great holiday season with family and friends.
We are so close to finishing this epic renovation, and I think I'll do a post once we are all done showing the whole process.
I hope your 2018 is off to an amazing start. Our motto this year: Anytime something goes our way- no matter how big or small- "2018 is going (or "still going") to be a great year"! 😂 So original...
Anyway, hope you got a chuckle out of that nonsense up there.
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