The power of the mind is an incredible thing. Have you ever made a decision or wanted something and become so fixated on it that it's all you think about? Good decisions can become so destructive! I have over-researched in order to be "well informed", I see it in other people ALL THE TIME now, and I've gotten to the point where I think I can control it- aka: force it to happen/become.
But I can't. (and I know this is a bit vague- but hear me out. It applies to anything in life)
This "thing" I have decided on is so out of my control it's not even funny. And the logical side of me knows that! But I have gotten myself into such a destructive thought pattern, that I am ruining myself over searching for a way to force it to happen. And by doing so, I know it will never be.
But it's so hard to let go, when it's something I've decided I want so badly.
I probably can't even answer why I want it. It's just become an obsession...
As I worry about this thing I can't control, I'm missing out on my life. I'm rushing so fast to get to this next thing by trying to control it, that I am truly missing out on what is so good right in front of me.
Every moment is precious. It's hard to see it that way sometimes, but I'm certain that there is always something good that can come from any moment- even if we realize it later.
I posted this quote on Instagram this morning from the Shine Project and it resonated hard.
" I know the beginning of anything feels so overwhelming. But don't skip it. Don't rush through it waiting to get to the next phase of your life. The beginning is where magic lives"
And then I saw this one....
"No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should" - Max Ehrmann
All of these little nuggets of hope, presented to me because I have decided I need to manifest change within my head/thoughts. I am definitely someone that needs these reminders, words of wisdom. I cling to them in times when I feel lost/defeated/hopeless.
When I was young I had a lot of stomach issues. But my pediatrician didn't think it was due to allergies or physical illness. She realized I was a worrier. She was also Jamaican. Have you figured out where this is going yet?
"Don't worry about a thing. 'Cause every little thing is gonna be alright" (-Bob)
This became our mantra. A constant reminder from my parents and the people around me that it was (and still is) all going to be ok! Once I was aware that I was a worrier, I could better manage those feelings.
I know I need to change my thoughts. I know that this destructive, obsessive thought pattern I have gotten myself into is not good. I know I need to relinquish the power I have given to my thoughts and the amount of control I have allowed them to have over me. But I'm not sure I know how to do that. I am hung up on that I won't be able to let go completely, which I so badly want to do. That it will always be in the back of my mind, nagging me to try to maintain some "control". I fear that I am in so deep, that I can't go back.
Well, I know I can't go back. I just need to move through it and on to a better place. A fun, carefree place. Without worry, or stress, or anxiety over achieving this "thing".
I release myself from these obsessive thoughts
I am peaceful and free
I am ready to enjoy life
❤️
