Wanderlust

I always have the right words in the moment for a great blog post.  By the time I have time to sit down and actually write it, it doesn't sound so great anymore.

I spent this past weekend with my dad, up north for one final weekend on the boat.  This weekend we have to pull it out for the winter.  We spent our time together talking about what we want to do and our dreams, and who we want to experience those dreams with.  It was good, healthy conversation that lead to immense amounts of wanderlust.  We both have the desire to take to the sea and just go.  But we both have things holding us here.  Mine?  School debt- I asked him if he thought being "forced" to live on a boat at sea would be a valid reason for debt forgiveness, as I would have no stable income.  If I told them it was really my only option… he laughed, but I was dead serious.

To leave this life and live a life of adventure sounds pretty good right now.  Go off the grid, figure out a way to be untraceable.  Sounds nice right?  The boat is named Dreamer for a reason.

Saturday, we spent most of the day on the water.  We only had wind for about an hour, so we mainly floated around.  It was hot, summer had finally showed up.  We chatted and schemed and told each other to stop convincing one another that just taking off and forgetting everything was such a good idea… even though it is.  We used the auto-pilot for a majority of the time, which left us both free to roam about the deck.

He was at the bow, and I at the stern.  Both lost in thought.  I'm pretty sure I was thinking of this post, composed of beautiful thoughts and words.  Loosing myself in the depth of the water, unable to see the bottom.

Perhaps we're never supposed to see the bottom.  It isn't up to us to determine what will be.  There is a bigger picture, determined by a bigger power.  These things in life, including the things I feel are holding me back, are happening for a reason.  This is my sequence and what will be, will be.

The waves were soft and the clouds wispy and light.  It was a perfect day to dream.

The dreams are what keep us afloat.

Small Thoughts: 1

This morning I woke up feeling so grateful. A nice change from the stress and negative feelings I've been overcome by lately.

What are you feeling grateful for today?

A Little Kindness Goes A Long Way

Growing up, my mother always said to kill with kindness.  This is no easy task.  Sometimes it is so much easier to be grumpy and angry.  

When someone treats you poorly or a situation doesn't go as planned, it can be so easy to reciprocate with the same attitude or tone.  But is it really worth the energy and stress of getting mad?  Kill them with kindness instead.  Think of what this could do to our interactions with those we know and love.  Even bigger, our interactions with strangers.  We live in such a fearful and negative society.  I truly believe that the world can change if we change the way we interact with and treat people, regardless of the situation.  We need to show more compassion and care for each other, because nobody truly knows another persons current situation. 

I think about this all the time when I am in the car.  How do you think auto accidents happen?  People are so wrapped up in themselves and where they need to be that they forget there are other people around them, or get mad when someone is in their way.  This applies to situations a lot bigger than just driving...we go through life focusing on annoyances and being self-absorbed, instead of being understanding. We have to start viewing situations differently. 

I used to think that "forcing" yourself to be kind and happy towards people when you really didn't feel like it was fake and insincere. That's not what it's about though... Sure we all have bad days, but in order to turn those bad days around we have to choose to find the good and be happy.  Choosing to be happy and kind towards others is a lot more rewarding, and before you know it you'll find yourself happy all the time, and the kindness will spread.  Think of how our worlds would change if we stopped approaching "inconvenient" situations with anger, and started dealing with them with a caring and compassionate attitude...

Happiness and kindness really are easier. 

I can only hope that this doesn't sound preachy. That it will reach at least one person and help to change their perspective. 

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I often find myself wanting to write here but don't feel that what I have to say will provide a lengthy enough post.  

I am going to start a series of "Small Thoughts".  These posts will consist of insights, ideas, or thought provoking questions by me... I usually think of these things in the shower or on my morning/evening commute--the most inconvenient times to write something down, of course.  Please feel free to leave your comments and opinions on the matters.  Who knows- it might inspire a longer post!

Letting Go

I have been struggling lately.  Feeling lots of anger and letting things get to me that normally wouldn't.  Work has been difficult, but from all of it I am learning how to avoid difficulties in the future.  

All this anger is not who I am.  And I realize this... but it has taken some serious intellect and control to not freak the 'eff' out lately.  I was driving home yesterday after a day of being jerked around by various projects/clients and dealing with insurance morons, eager to get to the climbing gym, and I got stuck behind the slowest person on the expressway.  It sort of pushed me over the edge... like so much rage, all I wanted was to cause harm/scream... I know right?  This is totally not who I am!!!  So I told myself this and released all of the tension with a good, quick cry because that seemed way better than trying to break something and then having to clean up the mess.  

I used to think tears were a sign of weakness, but they are a sign of strength.  Tears are cleansing; a healthy release.  It is difficult in what I do to find a balance between being a doormat and standing up for myself.  But I'm tired of letting the petty mistakes of others effect me, because I can't control the way others choose to conduct themselves.  Anyways, I have decided to let it all go and choose to be happy.  I signed up for this, so suck it up buttercup. 

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I have been climbing for almost a year now.  It started as something for me to do on my own and get me out of the house- I was having relationship troubles.  I needed to create my own entertainment, instead of waiting for others or sitting around feeling sorry for myself/lonely.  I decided to try this on a whim because I didn't want to join a regular gym or any kind of sports team... I really hate competitive sports, and going to the gym is awkward.  I called a friend and we gave it a shot.  It began with a lesson to learn about safety and basic techniques... from there you are on your own.  Climbing uses all over body strength and a lot of mental strength as well.  You really have to trust your partner and rely on strength you didn't know you had.  I think that is one of the things I like most about climbing- it's not about who is better or faster, it's about trusting yourself and your partner.  It's not a race to the top.  It requires thought and strategy.  It is the most incredible feeling to walk away feeling powerful and accomplished.  Running high from the adrenaline and release of built up stress.

Once you're at the top, you have to let go.  Letting go is the hardest part.  But there is a huge sense of relief in being lowered down... it means you have accomplished something and can allow those fatigued muscles to rest and recover for the next climb.  

The gym I go to has Auto Belays.  These are basically straps that wind up as you climb to the top and then let you down easy when you are done.  You hook in and you're ready to go.  No partner needed.  They drop you pretty fast for the first couple of feet and then it catches and lets you down slower.  It is scary letting go the first time- feeling like you are free falling.  Even now, I still have to coax myself into letting go, even though I know it will catch me and everything will be fine.  You just have to let go.  

There comes a point in all phases of life -- short or long, that we have to let go and recover in order to make it to the top of the next chapter.  Life really is a series of ups and downs.  The lows can be just as fulfilling as the highs.  It is simply how you approach them and what type of outlook you have. 

So climb on my friends and enjoy the ride down.