It's been awhile since i've had anything to say- a long while. A lot has happened over the past few months. There is much to be thankful for.
I had a hard time last year getting into the holiday spirit, and I am trying very hard this year to be positive and not let my job ruin it for me. But this isn't the point of this post....
I've spent some time the last few days thinking about what I am really thankful for this year. A lot of things come to mind- Family, friends, a good job, a roof over my head, a loving and hardworking boyfriend, a happy puppy, my health, I could go on and on forever. The one thing I am so grateful for this year is my Education. This fall I began my final undergraduate semesters at Wayne State University (I was attending Lawrence Tech University, but it became way too expensive). I love it. I love the campus, the people, the classes- it finally all seems worth it! The end is near and I cannot wait to walk across that stage and begin the next chapter of my life!
I hope your holiday season is filled with blessings and hope.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Running at night...
Tonight I ran harder than I ever have. In the dark... I ran so hard, I was wheezing when I couldn't go any further (Luke said I scared a guy on his porch- I couldn't hear him asking if I was ok, Florence and The Machine was too loud). I can't remember the last time I ran in the dark and it was amazing. I didn't let my eyes adjust before I took off and I felt like I was cocooned in the brilliant darkness. I lacked my sense of sight- I allowed my legs to reach higher and feel each step carefully so I wouldn't trip on the uneven sidewalk. I felt the breeze on what skin was exposed and allowed the scent of the night to penetrate deep into my lungs and nose. I knew the route well enough to keep running- it was better than running at night, I was in a whole different world. Lost in my evening's thoughts, with the comfort and safety of Izzy and Luke riding along beside me.
I love how my lungs feel after a good, hard run. Longing for a deep breath, yet satisfied from the strength gained from the consistent short breaths.
As I sat on deck of Dreamer tonight, my thoughts were strong and apparent. I longed for the future and 'setting my sails'. I dreamt of re-living the past in a new, happier way. I dreamt of the day I could cast off and let the wind take me to new lands and experiences. These lovely thoughts are haunted by the what if's and the constant wonder of what would happen to the ones I love. Would they come with me on my great adventure? Would they let me go and be waiting for me when I came back? Or would that be it? Over, done... Lonely. Sometimes I wonder if I was cut out to be alone. I don't see that as being a bad thing, in the sense that I wouldn't be lonely- Just living for myself and only myself.
Tonight, I was advised, if nothing else in my life, to never be lonely. I questioned this advice with wondering what is worse- being alone and feeling lonely? Or being with someone and feeling that same, sad loneliness. Life is uncertain and unfair. It was pretty much drilled into me as a kid, "You can't always get what you want".
I sat on the boat and listened to near-by halyards slap against the surrounding masts. It was music to my ears. Each with their own pitch and the wind howling through the harbor. It was quiet and serene. Just as it should be and left me deep in thought.
More often than not lately, I have been down on myself. Life has not been easy and I have chosen to blaze a difficult trail. Now more than ever, I am realizing I have made stupid mistakes. Poor choices and living a life I haven't earned. There, I said it, I HAVE BEEN LIVING A LIFE I HAVE NOT EARNED. If I intend to fill my sails with winds of adventure- which I have every intention of doing- I have to earn it.
I don't regret my difficult decisions; I am who I am because of them. I am a stronger woman. I know what I want and I will make it happen. I'm no longer going to talk about what I want to do in life, but rather what I'm going to do.
I am going to go to Wayne State in the fall.
I am going to finish my undergrad in Graphic Design.
I am going to become a writer.
I am going to sail the oceans and visit foreign lands with my Dad.
I am going to know true love.
You have to dream the dream and keep dreaming until you have earned it. The good things in life don't come easy- but when they do, oh sweet heaven, it will be blissful and beautiful. I am excited for the trials and tribulations of the future. It is sure to be bittersweet.
Busy day tomorrow-
Sweet dreams.
I love how my lungs feel after a good, hard run. Longing for a deep breath, yet satisfied from the strength gained from the consistent short breaths.
As I sat on deck of Dreamer tonight, my thoughts were strong and apparent. I longed for the future and 'setting my sails'. I dreamt of re-living the past in a new, happier way. I dreamt of the day I could cast off and let the wind take me to new lands and experiences. These lovely thoughts are haunted by the what if's and the constant wonder of what would happen to the ones I love. Would they come with me on my great adventure? Would they let me go and be waiting for me when I came back? Or would that be it? Over, done... Lonely. Sometimes I wonder if I was cut out to be alone. I don't see that as being a bad thing, in the sense that I wouldn't be lonely- Just living for myself and only myself.
Tonight, I was advised, if nothing else in my life, to never be lonely. I questioned this advice with wondering what is worse- being alone and feeling lonely? Or being with someone and feeling that same, sad loneliness. Life is uncertain and unfair. It was pretty much drilled into me as a kid, "You can't always get what you want".
I sat on the boat and listened to near-by halyards slap against the surrounding masts. It was music to my ears. Each with their own pitch and the wind howling through the harbor. It was quiet and serene. Just as it should be and left me deep in thought.
More often than not lately, I have been down on myself. Life has not been easy and I have chosen to blaze a difficult trail. Now more than ever, I am realizing I have made stupid mistakes. Poor choices and living a life I haven't earned. There, I said it, I HAVE BEEN LIVING A LIFE I HAVE NOT EARNED. If I intend to fill my sails with winds of adventure- which I have every intention of doing- I have to earn it.
I don't regret my difficult decisions; I am who I am because of them. I am a stronger woman. I know what I want and I will make it happen. I'm no longer going to talk about what I want to do in life, but rather what I'm going to do.
I am going to go to Wayne State in the fall.
I am going to finish my undergrad in Graphic Design.
I am going to become a writer.
I am going to sail the oceans and visit foreign lands with my Dad.
I am going to know true love.
You have to dream the dream and keep dreaming until you have earned it. The good things in life don't come easy- but when they do, oh sweet heaven, it will be blissful and beautiful. I am excited for the trials and tribulations of the future. It is sure to be bittersweet.
Busy day tomorrow-
Sweet dreams.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Memories
Lately, when I wake up, I have been going outside to sit and take in the morning. Smell all the "fresh day" smells, hear the birds, feel the warmth on my skin. Just what I need to wake up and start my day off right. It reminds me of waking up on the boat, climbing out of the cabin, feeling the dew on the deck and letting the sun wake me up.
I've been thinking and reminiscing about all the wonderful memories I got to make as a kid. We were so lucky to get to experience the places we did. Not many kids can say they sailed across a Great Lake, traveled around the North Channel for three weeks, camped with wild horses out East, climbed a mountain out west... some of my fondest memories.
Life can change in an instant- things break. But guess what, you can put that broken thing back together again. It may not look or feel the same and there might be some cracks, but you have this whole new beautiful adventure ahead and the cracks to let the memories seep out. That is one thing about growing up, everything changes in one way or another. Things are different. I am a true believer in how great those differences can be. All those memories are mine forever. I am so excited to begin to relive those memories and still have it be different and unique- new memories. New people, different scenarios, new point of view...
As I sat on the deck this morning, felt the cool breeze and sprinkles of rain on my skin, I thought about all the great memories I have. It's really neat to think about how each day you live holds at least one thing you will remember sometime in your life. Oh the stories!
_________________________
Check this out...
I have a new Etsy shop- Peaceofmind23 (<<< Click that!!!!)
10% off to all my favorite blog readers for the entire month of June- use code PEACEOFMIND at checkout.
Colorado blog post coming soon! Pictures, Pictures, Pictures!!!!!!!!
Peace!
I've been thinking and reminiscing about all the wonderful memories I got to make as a kid. We were so lucky to get to experience the places we did. Not many kids can say they sailed across a Great Lake, traveled around the North Channel for three weeks, camped with wild horses out East, climbed a mountain out west... some of my fondest memories.
Life can change in an instant- things break. But guess what, you can put that broken thing back together again. It may not look or feel the same and there might be some cracks, but you have this whole new beautiful adventure ahead and the cracks to let the memories seep out. That is one thing about growing up, everything changes in one way or another. Things are different. I am a true believer in how great those differences can be. All those memories are mine forever. I am so excited to begin to relive those memories and still have it be different and unique- new memories. New people, different scenarios, new point of view...
As I sat on the deck this morning, felt the cool breeze and sprinkles of rain on my skin, I thought about all the great memories I have. It's really neat to think about how each day you live holds at least one thing you will remember sometime in your life. Oh the stories!
_________________________
Check this out...
I have a new Etsy shop- Peaceofmind23 (<<< Click that!!!!)
10% off to all my favorite blog readers for the entire month of June- use code PEACEOFMIND at checkout.
Colorado blog post coming soon! Pictures, Pictures, Pictures!!!!!!!!
Peace!
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Peace
Oh man, I've been stressed. It happens, same time, same place every damn semester. The turmoil and upheaval in my mind from the millions of projects that need to be completed is overwhelming.
I went home yesterday to do a project of low-tech photography... I basically scanned a bunch of shit from various junk drawers around my Home (capital letter because it's the one and only- where the love of my mother resides). Forget the project, Home- sweet, sweet home. It's a healing place. It gave me the much needed break my head needed. I mowed an acre of land (push-mower- no joke) just for the hell of it. The vibrations of the mower and monotonous back and forth motion were what my mind and body needed. Monotony. Mindless. The last few days I had made so many lists, probably with hopes that the more lists, the more I would get done. No such luck. I mowed that lawn for two hours and let my mind go blank. My muscles ached and I'm pretty sure the mower weighed more than I do, but it worked. I needed to step away from the madness of all the projects and millions of things to be accomplished. It was time to realign 'my ducks'.
A few years back it came in the form of a rainbow. It was perfect timing and the perfect sign that everything was going to be ok. I'm sure I had been awake for more than 24 hours, and as I was driving home I called my momma crying (thank God she knows it's coming- like clockwork and knows what to do and say). So overwhelmed and completely worn out. Everything I needed to do had magnified itself x20. As I complained and cried about the millions of things to get done, it appeared. A sign, a peace of mind. The feeling that it's just you and the Big Guy- I knew he was focused on me and had sent it just for me. My head cleared and it all came together, a thousand weights had been lifted.
Sometimes all it takes is a little time away or a sign from above- whether it is the place that a simple and sophisticated rainbow takes you, or the daunting yet beautifully monotonous task of mowing the lawn. It works. Give thanks!
I've got my ducks back in a row and I'm feelin' groovy babies. Happy days ahead!
I went home yesterday to do a project of low-tech photography... I basically scanned a bunch of shit from various junk drawers around my Home (capital letter because it's the one and only- where the love of my mother resides). Forget the project, Home- sweet, sweet home. It's a healing place. It gave me the much needed break my head needed. I mowed an acre of land (push-mower- no joke) just for the hell of it. The vibrations of the mower and monotonous back and forth motion were what my mind and body needed. Monotony. Mindless. The last few days I had made so many lists, probably with hopes that the more lists, the more I would get done. No such luck. I mowed that lawn for two hours and let my mind go blank. My muscles ached and I'm pretty sure the mower weighed more than I do, but it worked. I needed to step away from the madness of all the projects and millions of things to be accomplished. It was time to realign 'my ducks'.
A few years back it came in the form of a rainbow. It was perfect timing and the perfect sign that everything was going to be ok. I'm sure I had been awake for more than 24 hours, and as I was driving home I called my momma crying (thank God she knows it's coming- like clockwork and knows what to do and say). So overwhelmed and completely worn out. Everything I needed to do had magnified itself x20. As I complained and cried about the millions of things to get done, it appeared. A sign, a peace of mind. The feeling that it's just you and the Big Guy- I knew he was focused on me and had sent it just for me. My head cleared and it all came together, a thousand weights had been lifted.
Sometimes all it takes is a little time away or a sign from above- whether it is the place that a simple and sophisticated rainbow takes you, or the daunting yet beautifully monotonous task of mowing the lawn. It works. Give thanks!
I've got my ducks back in a row and I'm feelin' groovy babies. Happy days ahead!
Monday, April 16, 2012
As the Wind Blows
Don't think for one minute I have abandoned you, I have had the worst writer's block of my life. Or, maybe the fact that my life has only consisted of school and work has made me a dull girl. There has been little room for adventures.
Let's rewind a bit...
Recently, I've had a very special anniversary. Sunday, Luke and I celebrated 3 years together- that's 1,098 days. On Saturday he took me to where we had our first date for dinner; Oh, it was so lovely! We celebrated with champagne and drinks and some very decadent cheesecake afterward (actually, we had it for breakfast the next morning- we were way too stuffed the night before). The time we get to spend together is so precious and special. He really means the world to me, I'm so lucky! Whether it's someone or something you love, be grateful that you know the feeling. Love is love, no matter what. Always show it more than you say it.
Aside from the mushy, lovey stuff (which I am totally a sucker for), I have started running again. It feels so good to be getting back to what I used to look like and more importantly- felt like! I'm so glad to be addicted again! With every pound of the pavement, calculated breath, and pre-meditated step over cracks and uneven sidewalk, I'm one step closer to a better, healthier version of myself.
I've never been one for competition- I hated competing in track races in high school. I get so nervous, I'm so weird that I even get nervous when it's just me running....... BUT, I have decided to overcome my fear. In two weeks I am running my first 5k race. It is for a really great cause. I will be running alongside many other able-bodied humans for all the boys who can't because of Duchenne Muscular dystrophy. Let's hope I don't get to nervous... No competition right?
I am also excited to be running in the Color Run in Ann Arbor in July... Look it up. It's going to be a blast!
I'm sitting here watching the wind shake things up a bit, contemplating the day and all the projects that have failed (I have a plan B, but that is going to have to wait until tomorrow)- a bit overwhelmed by it all. The only comfort is tea and my book (other than running, I have been absolutely sure to make time for at least one thing I love and can do just for me- reading.). I need to finished up the Hunger Games trilogy so I can start on Bloom; if you haven't heard of this one, check it out. No matter who you are or what your struggles are, your heart and soul are sure to be touched.
School is almost over, so I promise I will have more to write about. I have an amazing and adventurous summer planned! I hope to be back Friday with an adventure or two! Much love, xo
P.S. I have over 640 views, Thank you so much! Keep reading :)
Let's rewind a bit...
Recently, I've had a very special anniversary. Sunday, Luke and I celebrated 3 years together- that's 1,098 days. On Saturday he took me to where we had our first date for dinner; Oh, it was so lovely! We celebrated with champagne and drinks and some very decadent cheesecake afterward (actually, we had it for breakfast the next morning- we were way too stuffed the night before). The time we get to spend together is so precious and special. He really means the world to me, I'm so lucky! Whether it's someone or something you love, be grateful that you know the feeling. Love is love, no matter what. Always show it more than you say it.
Aside from the mushy, lovey stuff (which I am totally a sucker for), I have started running again. It feels so good to be getting back to what I used to look like and more importantly- felt like! I'm so glad to be addicted again! With every pound of the pavement, calculated breath, and pre-meditated step over cracks and uneven sidewalk, I'm one step closer to a better, healthier version of myself.
I've never been one for competition- I hated competing in track races in high school. I get so nervous, I'm so weird that I even get nervous when it's just me running....... BUT, I have decided to overcome my fear. In two weeks I am running my first 5k race. It is for a really great cause. I will be running alongside many other able-bodied humans for all the boys who can't because of Duchenne Muscular dystrophy. Let's hope I don't get to nervous... No competition right?
I am also excited to be running in the Color Run in Ann Arbor in July... Look it up. It's going to be a blast!
I'm sitting here watching the wind shake things up a bit, contemplating the day and all the projects that have failed (I have a plan B, but that is going to have to wait until tomorrow)- a bit overwhelmed by it all. The only comfort is tea and my book (other than running, I have been absolutely sure to make time for at least one thing I love and can do just for me- reading.). I need to finished up the Hunger Games trilogy so I can start on Bloom; if you haven't heard of this one, check it out. No matter who you are or what your struggles are, your heart and soul are sure to be touched.
School is almost over, so I promise I will have more to write about. I have an amazing and adventurous summer planned! I hope to be back Friday with an adventure or two! Much love, xo
P.S. I have over 640 views, Thank you so much! Keep reading :)
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
A Stream of.....
I guess we'll call it consciousness... this post is so random I hope your head doesn't spin... Here we go
oh- a quick disclaimer: you are about to encounter {necessary} foul language....
I woke up not feeling much, went for a run, got ready for class. Stopped at the bank on my way to school and thats when it all began... First, NONE of the three drive-up ATMs were working... seriously... so I was forced to go in (which I hate, due to slow tellers and long lines) and as I was walking in, a creepy-ass old man was coming out, gave me a once-over (mind you I was wearing jeans and a fleece- no skin showing) and he said "Time to get out your bathing suit".... WTFuck... at that point I was all fired up from the ATMs and this just about tipped me over the edge, people need to keep their mouths shut (he's lucky pepper spray was in the car)... then I waited a horribly long time in line.... THEN as I was trying to just leave, there was a cluster-fuck of cars- I wish I had a picture or could draw you a diagram... So I made the first move and got the hell out of dodge.... In a matter of 10-15 minutes, shit nearly hit the fan....The Sara-tude was in full force and I was in a MOOD!
I'm laughing at this now... thankfully.
Had some much needed mommy time tonight, it was short but beautiful. She can always make me happy, so much so that I was nearly giddy and bouncy on my drive home... which started me thinking about streams of consciousness... wouldn't it be neat to tune-in to a live feed of people's thoughts? Then I thought, 'Oh hey I haven't written a post lately, I'll write about this....". Soon after "You Get What You Give" by the New Radicals started playing on the radio, which brought me back to the summer we got our most recent boat... Dad thought Dreamer was a good name for it (I didn't think the name was 'sea worthy'...at first)... but now I get it... It means something different for each of us- for me, especially lately, always keep dreamin' those dreams and making them happen. Dreams of summer and Dreamer have kept me sane lately...'We've got the Dreamer's disease!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There you have it... a Stream of Consciousness...
See ya later Alligators
oh- a quick disclaimer: you are about to encounter {necessary} foul language....
I woke up not feeling much, went for a run, got ready for class. Stopped at the bank on my way to school and thats when it all began... First, NONE of the three drive-up ATMs were working... seriously... so I was forced to go in (which I hate, due to slow tellers and long lines) and as I was walking in, a creepy-ass old man was coming out, gave me a once-over (mind you I was wearing jeans and a fleece- no skin showing) and he said "Time to get out your bathing suit".... WTFuck... at that point I was all fired up from the ATMs and this just about tipped me over the edge, people need to keep their mouths shut (he's lucky pepper spray was in the car)... then I waited a horribly long time in line.... THEN as I was trying to just leave, there was a cluster-fuck of cars- I wish I had a picture or could draw you a diagram... So I made the first move and got the hell out of dodge.... In a matter of 10-15 minutes, shit nearly hit the fan....The Sara-tude was in full force and I was in a MOOD!
I'm laughing at this now... thankfully.
Had some much needed mommy time tonight, it was short but beautiful. She can always make me happy, so much so that I was nearly giddy and bouncy on my drive home... which started me thinking about streams of consciousness... wouldn't it be neat to tune-in to a live feed of people's thoughts? Then I thought, 'Oh hey I haven't written a post lately, I'll write about this....". Soon after "You Get What You Give" by the New Radicals started playing on the radio, which brought me back to the summer we got our most recent boat... Dad thought Dreamer was a good name for it (I didn't think the name was 'sea worthy'...at first)... but now I get it... It means something different for each of us- for me, especially lately, always keep dreamin' those dreams and making them happen. Dreams of summer and Dreamer have kept me sane lately...'We've got the Dreamer's disease!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There you have it... a Stream of Consciousness...
See ya later Alligators
Friday, January 6, 2012
The Traumas Of An Honest Child
-A collection of short blurbs about my traumatic childhood-
I could not tell a lie when I was little- Thanks mom and dad...
There are certain things that stick in our minds, that we remember forever. My earliest memory of being honest was when I was in Kindergarden. See, my parents never let us have gum when we were young and I am thankful for that now as I don't have any fillings. You always want what you can't have. My dear, worldly Kindergarden teacher would tape a stick of sugar-free Extra bubble gum to our papers occasionally- but this wasn't even the worst of it. The one instance that will forever be stuck in my memory happened on the bus. Remember Tear Jerker gum balls in the individual wrappers? That really sour stuff that came before WarHeads... As I got off the bus one day, the bus driver was giving a piece to each kid. Now I didn't want to say "no thank you", because of course I wanted it and didn't want to be rude. So I took it, walked down the street to my house and burst into tears. My poor mother, as I sobbed, breathlessly about this silly little gum ball and how I wanted it so bad but knew I wasn't allowed... After this I don't quite remember the outcome, but I am sure my sweet Mommy said I could have it. However, being in Kindergarden, I'm sure the right answer wasn't enough. So I probably just cried (lol). Or perhaps I even cried while eating the gum, guilty conscience in full force, with colored drool mixed in with the snot and tears running down my face. Either way I wanted it, but wasn't going to lie about it or try to hide it, taking no satisfaction in being allowed to have it.
I'm writing this and realizing it is amazing how I can recall the little details but not the outcome- it wasn't important at the time apparently. My parents also used to tell us things to scare us into not doing things they didn't want us to do. Sometimes it was for our safety, other times I think I was just because they either needed a laugh or they just plain didn't want us to do it. There was actually something that I genuinely believed until I was at least 20 years old- but I can't remember what it was (darn it)***. One thing I do remember, was what to do if we hit a deer... and it wasn't just if we "hit" it. In the words of my Father (or something like it), "If we hit a deer and it rolls up onto the windshield and breaks through and kicks your mother and I and kills us, get out of the car and move away from the road". Are you kidding me?!?!?! Who tells this to their children? Needless to say, I fear deer and was always alert at dusk when riding in the car as a kid. Not only was I honest, I was gullible.
*** Oh hey, I remembered it. My dad remodeled the kitchen when we were little. We were getting a new stove/oven and it had a gas hook-up. Before the stove was in place, the valve for the gas line was coming out of the floor, we were warned to never go near it or the entire house would blow up (things were always taken to the extreme). Fearful of blowing up, we kept a 5ft+ radius from the little lever. Come to find out, 10 years later- there wasn't even gas flowing to the pipe! I found this out after warning my dad about blowing up from the lever- he laughed at me.
As I grew older I started to try things, but could never keep the cat in the bag and would make a HUGE deal about it. I knew I had to tell my mom or I wouldn't be able to live with myself. It was always about silly stuff too. Like the first time I plucked my eyebrows, guided by Cosmo Girl and Seventeen magazine I did it. Nice and natural, it looked good. But I had to tell her. She had never told me I couldn't do it, but she didn't tell me I could. Knowing it was silly, I built it up and made it into a huge ordeal. Finally, I told her that if I was going to tell her what I did that I would have to close my eyes and not look at her. By this time I'm sure she was thinking the worst, the way I went on about it. So I told her I did it, I plucked my eyebrows. And you know what? She probably laughed, inspected and walked away.
Same thing goes for the first time I shaved my legs. Instead of laughing, I bet she asked if I cut myself (which I didn't- I was a careful kid, never got hurt), inspected, then walked away.
I panicked once in CVS (ooh, it might have even been a Perry Drug- remember those?). I was sick and my mother had taken us to get medicine. I think it was a bottle of Vitamin C or something like that; regardless, I freaked myself out when I mindlessly slipped it up my sleeve to carry it around. I shot my arm out of my sleeve so fast after realizing what it looked like I was trying to do. I didn't want to go to jail (who does?).
Remember Kiddos- Honesty is the BEST policy!
All this remembering has made me laugh- Hope you do too!
**Credit where credit is due- Dad, thanks for the idea for this post**
I could not tell a lie when I was little- Thanks mom and dad...
There are certain things that stick in our minds, that we remember forever. My earliest memory of being honest was when I was in Kindergarden. See, my parents never let us have gum when we were young and I am thankful for that now as I don't have any fillings. You always want what you can't have. My dear, worldly Kindergarden teacher would tape a stick of sugar-free Extra bubble gum to our papers occasionally- but this wasn't even the worst of it. The one instance that will forever be stuck in my memory happened on the bus. Remember Tear Jerker gum balls in the individual wrappers? That really sour stuff that came before WarHeads... As I got off the bus one day, the bus driver was giving a piece to each kid. Now I didn't want to say "no thank you", because of course I wanted it and didn't want to be rude. So I took it, walked down the street to my house and burst into tears. My poor mother, as I sobbed, breathlessly about this silly little gum ball and how I wanted it so bad but knew I wasn't allowed... After this I don't quite remember the outcome, but I am sure my sweet Mommy said I could have it. However, being in Kindergarden, I'm sure the right answer wasn't enough. So I probably just cried (lol). Or perhaps I even cried while eating the gum, guilty conscience in full force, with colored drool mixed in with the snot and tears running down my face. Either way I wanted it, but wasn't going to lie about it or try to hide it, taking no satisfaction in being allowed to have it.
I'm writing this and realizing it is amazing how I can recall the little details but not the outcome- it wasn't important at the time apparently. My parents also used to tell us things to scare us into not doing things they didn't want us to do. Sometimes it was for our safety, other times I think I was just because they either needed a laugh or they just plain didn't want us to do it. There was actually something that I genuinely believed until I was at least 20 years old- but I can't remember what it was (darn it)***. One thing I do remember, was what to do if we hit a deer... and it wasn't just if we "hit" it. In the words of my Father (or something like it), "If we hit a deer and it rolls up onto the windshield and breaks through and kicks your mother and I and kills us, get out of the car and move away from the road". Are you kidding me?!?!?! Who tells this to their children? Needless to say, I fear deer and was always alert at dusk when riding in the car as a kid. Not only was I honest, I was gullible.
*** Oh hey, I remembered it. My dad remodeled the kitchen when we were little. We were getting a new stove/oven and it had a gas hook-up. Before the stove was in place, the valve for the gas line was coming out of the floor, we were warned to never go near it or the entire house would blow up (things were always taken to the extreme). Fearful of blowing up, we kept a 5ft+ radius from the little lever. Come to find out, 10 years later- there wasn't even gas flowing to the pipe! I found this out after warning my dad about blowing up from the lever- he laughed at me.
As I grew older I started to try things, but could never keep the cat in the bag and would make a HUGE deal about it. I knew I had to tell my mom or I wouldn't be able to live with myself. It was always about silly stuff too. Like the first time I plucked my eyebrows, guided by Cosmo Girl and Seventeen magazine I did it. Nice and natural, it looked good. But I had to tell her. She had never told me I couldn't do it, but she didn't tell me I could. Knowing it was silly, I built it up and made it into a huge ordeal. Finally, I told her that if I was going to tell her what I did that I would have to close my eyes and not look at her. By this time I'm sure she was thinking the worst, the way I went on about it. So I told her I did it, I plucked my eyebrows. And you know what? She probably laughed, inspected and walked away.
Same thing goes for the first time I shaved my legs. Instead of laughing, I bet she asked if I cut myself (which I didn't- I was a careful kid, never got hurt), inspected, then walked away.
I panicked once in CVS (ooh, it might have even been a Perry Drug- remember those?). I was sick and my mother had taken us to get medicine. I think it was a bottle of Vitamin C or something like that; regardless, I freaked myself out when I mindlessly slipped it up my sleeve to carry it around. I shot my arm out of my sleeve so fast after realizing what it looked like I was trying to do. I didn't want to go to jail (who does?).
Remember Kiddos- Honesty is the BEST policy!
All this remembering has made me laugh- Hope you do too!
**Credit where credit is due- Dad, thanks for the idea for this post**
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