Falling...

I love fall.  There are so many beautiful changes -- color, temperature, new school year for the kiddos, bon fires, and pumpkin flavored everything.  I've always loved fall, going from shorts to warm sweaters and boots, the desire to bake and cook savory, comforting foods.

For the last month I have been going so hard that I've been missing out on the little things.  I've been rushing through life, instead of taking the time to slow down and notice.

A couple weeks ago I was very busy and feeling really stressed from having to constantly working so I didn't fall behind.  It was a Thursday evening and I had worked until 4 at my day job, took an hour to myself to go climb with a friend (which relieved no stress at all), flew home to continue working until 8pm.  I then cleaned the house so that it wasn't left a mess for the weekend, and when I was finally able to try and stop for the night I realized the dog hadn't been walked -- or rather I was reminded by my darling partner that the dog hadn't been walked (to his defense he had just walked in the door as well)… I threw on some shoes, and walked the dog… walking fast and pissed (because I really just wanted to sit my ass on the couch)… so fast I got a blister.  I realized as I rounded the corner towards my house, that I had spent the entire walk feeling mad and hurried.  When I could have been enjoying the darkness of the night and feeling the cool air on my face.  I could have used the time to unwind and relax- take a leisurely stroll around the neighborhood and spend time in silence.  But instead I rushed though it, when really I had nothing that important to get home to.  I was so wrapped up in all the stress that had started to consume my life that I forgot to slow down.

Things have since gotten better, the stress is lessening.  I woke up this morning wanting to stay home.  Spend my day sewing, cooking, and catching up on all the projects I have put off for way too long.  I woke up telling myself, "oh you don't feel good, you should stay home".  But then I heard my parents, "suck it up, it's all in your head.  You're fine".  And really, I was fine- I was just looking for a good excuse to stay home.  Because taking a personal day to "just have time to myself" doesn't seem like that good of a reason in my book.  So I went to work.

It's hard to stop and take time for myself, to do the things I want to do.  There are so many other things that seem to take priority (and I don't even have kids!).  Work, housekeeping, making sure others are happy.  I can't take care of all of those things though if I can't make time to take care of myself…

I need an extra day… one more day in the weekend, just for me.