Post Lock-Down

Written 8-18-2020

There is so much on my mind regarding this post lock-down phase. It's hard to process how to move forward.

Like I can't even give energy to the days gone by.  March- June were haaaaaard.

But now i feel like we're faced with a whole new set of challenges and it's all same, same, but different.  I'm so socially out of it. My few encounters have left me with dread regarding stuff i've said- did that really just come out of my mouth? I don't know how to filter anymore. Like I haven't spent time really with many people outside of my household and my parents.  Luke and I haven't been on a date since like December, maybe?  I can't even remember.  

I got a sense of normalcy from a few events that I participated in last week and it felt so good. But last weeks bravery, aka outings, resulted in such high anxiety about possible exposure, I never want to leave my house again.  Anyone else relate?

I would give anything to take my daughter to the store with me, or take her to a restaurant. But I just can't risk it when she can't wear a mask.  I'm starting to worry that she isn't experiencing life in a normal way.  All we do is take her to daycare and go home.  Walks around the neighborhood and very few trips to grandparents.  Oh and doctors appointments (poor kid- that's for another time)

I might try to take her to the zoo, and try to enjoy.  I know she would love the animals. But the other half of my brain is all- is it worth it?  I just picture us spending our time fearfully avoiding and dodging people and not actually enjoying the animals or our time together.

ugh it's such a tough time.  I'm so over it.  I just want to be able to live my life without any level of fear.

And lets talk about the other major thing that has changed because of this pandemic... Work.  Are you still working from home?  Have you gone back to the office?

I've mainly returned to the office. However, I'm still trying to work from home here and there in order to not let that fade away.  However, people have to understand- things are not going to return to normal anytime soon.  Your need for instant answers?  Probably not going to happen any more.  People need time to answer your calls/emails, etc.

This pandemic/stay at home order has been such a shift for our go-go-go culture and mentality.  I truly believe it was natures way of slowing things down.  The constant need for gratification and answers and consuming was setting us on a course for disaster.  We can't and we shouldn't return to that way of life.  But there are so many people (people I work with) who still want an answer yesterday.  It's just not going to happen.  Especially with people working from home (with kids at home), the need to be careful with even the slightest sniffle or tickle.  I think people are going to be a lot more unavailable as we see the way this new life and way of doing things is going to unfold.  I think its a good thing.  I'm ok with not worrying so much about instantly getting things done.  Let's learn/teach some patience and consideration back into our world.  This has been a truly humanizing shift.